Learning how to love yourself

A major contributor to whether or not worth is high or low tends to stem from whether children were given messages that affirmed or validated their existence, their choices,their talents,their ideas,their plans. If these parts of themselves were not validated, children seemed to feel less important or valued than those around them.

Imagine for yourself a large basket given to you at birth. During those early years, you collect learning that gives you energy,hope,skills,desire, and good feelings about yourself. We'll call those messages "Flowers". You also collect messages that make you feel inadequate,small,guilty and afraid. We call those messages "Garbage messages".

Look at the following messages and assess what you are carrying around in your basket.

Garbage messages: These make us feel bad and unloved

• Don't say anything if you can't say something nice ( hide your true feelings)
• Family business is private business ( Don't Trust)
• Work first, play later ( what you do is more important than who you are)
• Boy's don't cry (Men should always be strong)
• Women shouldn't get angry ( Women should cover up angry feelings)
• Don't speak unless spoken to ( Spontaneity is wrong)
• Don't talk about sex ( There is something wrong with our bodies)
• You made your bed, now lie in it ( There is no room for mistakes)
• Anything worth doing is worth doing well ( Strive for perfectionism in everything)
• You can do better ( What you are doing is not good enough)
• I told you so ( You should have listened and did what I said. I am right and you are wrong)
• Don't hang your dirty linen public ( Don't talk and don't ask for help)
• Blood is thicker than water (Family loyalty comes first whether or not it is deserved)

Think about some of your own rules and messages you brought from the family you lived in. How many of them made you feel an increased value in yourself? And how many of them made you feel bad about yourself? Let's look at some positive messages "Flowers" that make people feel better about themselves:

• I am really proud of you today
• That was a really good idea you had
• Keep up the good work
• You are a very special person
• Good for you!
• You seem to have a lot of good ideas
• You'll probably learn a lot from that mistake
• It's a pleasure to work/play with you
• I like you just the way you are
• It's okay to have a lot of feelings
• Sometimes tears are refreshing
• I'm sorry, you are right.
• I'm happy when I'm with you

Assess what you are carrying in your basket. Decide what you want to keep and what to get rid of. 

Getting in touch with your feelings.

Psychologists, counselors, and therapists have placed a great deal of emphasis on the importance of getting in touch with ones feelings. What does that mean to get in touch?

First of all getting in touch means becoming aware that we have feelings. Getting in touch with our feelings means becoming acquainted with our subterranean emotional life. And it means learning to except of emotional life as a natural aspect of ourselves, not something to be feared or shunned or repugnant.

When we are not in touch, we're like sleepwalkers, moving through life in a trance,jolted now and then to a confusing wakefulness. Trembling and fuzzy-minded, we're overwhelmed by our own emotions and perplexed by the emotions of others.

REMEMBER: Freedom lies in understanding feelings and being able to act on that new understanding.

ME

I am the only "me" I've got.I am unique.There are two major parts of me. There is the inside "me" and the outside "me".
The outside me is what you see. The way I act,the image I portray,the way I look and things I do.
The outside me is very important.It is my messenger to the world and much of my outside me is what communicates with you. I value what I have done,the way I look, and what I share with you.

The inside "me" knows all my feelings all my secret ideas, and my many hopes and dreams. Sometimes I let you know a little bit about the inside "me" and sometimes it;s a very private part of myself.
Even though there is an enormous amount of people in this world, no one is exactly like "me". I take full responsibility for "me" and the more I learn about myself, the more responsibility I am going to take.You see my "me" is my responsibility , As I know myself more and more I find out that I am an OK person.I have done some good things in life because I am a good person. I have accomplished some things in my life because I am a competent person. I know some special people because I am worth knowing. I celebrate the many things I have done for myself.

I've also made some mistakes. I can learn from them. I have also known some people who did not appreciate me. I do not need to keep those people in my life. I've wasted some precious time. I can make new choices now. As long as I can see, hear,feel,think,change,grow and behave,I have great possibility. I am going to take those risks and those possibilities and I am going to grow and love and be and celebrate . I am worth it.

Inner work and creativity

I believe that inner work is very necessary and that we are continuously growing. We are faced with challenges and hurdles to overcome because that is what makes us better ourselves. I feel as much a "student" as my children are and I am eager to wake each new day to see what information and experiences it holds.

As a parent-teacher, we must seek the balance and interweaving of thinking, feeling and willing in ourselves.

In the Heart - the loom of Feeling,
In the Head - the light of Thinking,
In the Limbs - the strength of Will
Weaving of radiant Light,
Strength of the Weaving,
Light of the surging Strength;
Lo, this is Man!

~ Rudolf Steiner, Ecce Homo

Take note of how you are sitting at the computer right now... are you sitting up straight or are you hunched over. Stay comfortable but raise your shoulders, elongate your neck to hold your hear high instead of allowing it to just sit upon your shoulders. Raise your chest as well. This immediately opens your breathing and allows you to take in more air. Breathe....

Take a moment to think about the people you love. Did you let them know today how important they are in your life? Did you tell them that you LOVE them? You should. Right now...

Think about each and every thing you are thankful for. Hold the thought in your mind. Remember it when you lay in bed tonight and go over your "list" a few times. Aren't you so blessed? There are so many things to be thankful for! Going to be with this though will bring a better sleep and dreams and you will awaken feeling refreshed and revitalized.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, stand and walk tall. Look at yourself in the mirror and see the person you WANT to be. Spend the day walking around with the belief that you are this person! Watch your posture. Is your head held high? Are you breathing properly? Feel the power of this posture and how well you feel at the end of the day. Include this feeling as one of the things you are grateful for!

Take a break. The dishes, the laundry, even the lessons can wait for a day. Take your children outside and wonder at the beauty of nature. Walk barefoot. Climb a tree with them. Swing, don't just push them... Be a child for a day. Be their friend for a day. Make a picnic and spend the afternoon laying on the grass watching the clouds slowly drift by. Squat down or sit so you are at your child's level and look deep into their eyes. Tell them how blessed you feel that they chose you to be the Mommy! Hug and kiss and tickle and play with your child. Your child needs physical affection and thrives on it. Remember, that is what attachment parenting is all about - no matter if your child is a teen. Hug and hold your child! In the evening take stock of the beautiful day and think about how grateful you are for the moment.

Be less serious. Laugh a little... no, laugh a LOT. Remember that laughter is the best medicine. Be silly, be funny, allow your child to be silly! Your child needs to see you laugh and play too, and you'll feel better!

In Reiki, we are taught that all of us have the ability to tap into the universal life flow. When you become attuned to Reiki, you open up channels to allow this life force energy to flow THROUGH you. It is constant and ever present, it is all around us at all times, when you channel this energy, and it flows through you you can do wonderful things. It deals with opening your Chakras, understanding the flow of energy, etc. but the bottom line is that in a way you are "detached" because you are using the energy which is flowing through the world and NOT using the energy which is in you.

You do not go away feeling depleted, but rather refreshed and invigorated.

Let me share something that I strongly believe: Next to the power of the universe and it's life flow, the power of thought is the most powerful "tool" we humans have been given. We need to keep our thoughts positive and focused on what we HOPE to become. You become what you think about. Everything in the world is THOUGHT MANIFESTED.

The mindset you have is what will cause you to feel drained or to feel refreshed. When I get burned out - and it almost always coincides with the times they get all wound up and "trouble making" (lots of energy flowing without an outlet) we go outside and talk to the earth.

This ALWAYS seems to center and bring them back into balance. I feel myself getting agitated because they are no longer playing creatively and they just get into that too much energy but unfocused play where they will end up being destructive, too rough, negative, etc... I stand up and say something like "oh, I feel some strange energy in the house right now" then I look at the clock and say "have we been inside all of this time?" I start to quickly clean up whatever I am doing and I head outside... They model and follow. Outside I begin to talk to the earth, the trees, the birds, the flowers...

"Oh little flowers, I could feel you calling me outside. It's much to dark in the house and the air is not as fresh as it is out here. Thank you for reminding me to come and look at your beauty. What a lovely shade of violet you have become. Have many butterflies and bees come calling today? What's that? The tree needs a hug? My goodness, I will hug the tree! I like to hug all of the trees because they help my body to breathe! I feel better when I hug the tree too because I know that the tree is my brother. In spirit, all of my great great grandmothers and fathers who have passed away, and who were buried in the earth became a part of this wise old tree... This tree holds the secrets of the generations and I am blessed that I have strong arms to give the tree a great big hug. Oooohhh. can you smell the moss today? It smells like it's growing, the heavy rain last night must have really saturated the moss. (kneeling) Oh my goodness, look at this little rollie-pollie worm - pick it up gently, this is its new home...."

Each and every time I do this my children do a complete turn around from the afternoon energy and come straight into balance.

In Reiki, we work to become grounded and I think what happens in the afternoon is that we tend to come apart and "float" our energies. All we really need is to ground ourselves again. Walking barefoot on the grass and or hugging a tree really does the trick in my family. It's quick, it's simple and it brings us back into a calm center, always. As a matter of fact, I cannot recall a time when this didn't work.